"Don't Get Stuck On Stupid!"

Dedicated to exposing all manner of journalistic malfeasance and moral incontinence, while laboring in comfortable obscurity.

Location: Antarctica

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Not agaaaain.

The Therapist is currently over on aisle Five, next to the pickled eggs and "ethnic" foods, having a complete hissy fit. He's thrown himself on the floor and is kicking his spindly legs while furiously pounding the ground with his soft, girlish fists. It's really quite a spectacle.

I'm thinking the only way to make him stop is:
a) Give him the damn sucker candy already.
b) Promise him a trip to Toys R Us if he will just please Please PLEASE stop, okay? Please? Honey? For mommy? Okay?
c) Send him some frickin' traffic.

Listen, I know what a burden that hit counter can be. Much like the proverbial millstone around one's neck. It's that Monkey on Your Back, your arch nemesis, that co-depenent girlfriend you hate but just can't bear to leave.

Although, I remember the day I got over 11 hits in one 24 hour period, and it was like Fourth of July and Christmas all rolled into one, so I'm not really sure what Mister 160,467 hits has got his BVD's all in a twist about.

So go. Now. Then hit "refresh" multiple times. Delete your cookies, then visit again so he get's more "unique" visits. Then, create a post where you link him multiple times so that he gets boosted up to something like a Megalithic Japaneese Monster in the TLB ecosystem.

Then, and only then, send him a care package with some peppermint tea, some cool, scented towels for his forehead, and several free samples of Lexapro you kiped from the free clinic. Hopefully this will assuage his frazzled noives and convince him to quit stamping his pretty little foot, and switch his banner back around.

I really enjoy his writing, and hope he unlocks his bedroom door and comes out to play before too much longer.

Yo, TT. Love ya man. But....you had it comin'.