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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Al Qeada Strikes Blow Against Tourism in Bali

In a bold move of strategic brilliance, terrorists allied with Al Qeada struck a decisive blow against the tourism industry in Bali. A valiant martyr for The Cause braved the swarming masses of unarmed retirees and harried waiters to bring low the ranks of bronzed Infidels. Weaving through a dangerous metaphorical minefield of tables and deck chairs, this noble freedom fighter blew himself and 26 other scantily clad non-combatant sunbathers into an infidel slurry.

An anonymous spokesman for Al Qeada, in a recorded statement broadcast on Al Jazeera, had this to say:

Today, the forces of Allah, have struck a mighty blow against the oppressive forces of tourism in Bali. No longer shall our Muslim brothers suffer under the yoke of floral print wearing goombas, while working in sweatshops to grind out “authentic” native beadery and tie-dye sarongs for the rich capitalist oppressors.

Today we have shown that we are not afraid to face down our Enemy. Well-to-do foreign tourists and teens on Spring Break will no longer grind our freedoms into the well-manicured sand while sipping over-priced, watered-down Mai Tais as they lounge oppressively in a bamboo cabana. Fear shall water the bowels of octogenarians who use their retirement money to further the capitalist cause among our oppressed brethren. Old men, women, and children shall feel the wrath of our mighty warriors as we courageously walk unopposed among them, using their tolerance and compassion as a springboard to launch our unprovoked and unjustified attacks.

Today, we stand victorious on a heap of shattered cocktail glasses and scorched kitschy mood lighting. No longer shall such out of the way vacation spots be free from our Jihad.

Allah be praised.

Postings on Al Qeada’s website promises further courageous attacks against other strategically significant locations symbolic of western capitalist oppression such as retirement homes, homeless shelters, landfills, and Salvation Army donation sites. Security has also been increased around sensitive military targets such as RV parks, highway tollbooths, and children’s playgrounds.

More as the story develops…

Christopher Hitchens at Slate says the same thing, only different. (h/t to RightWingSparkle)